Songs That Disappear in the Light.

The quarter is keeping me very busy but I'm just about done with my first application and I only have a couple more slides to take. I am starting a new series of paintings based on a poem. I am frustrated with my tendency to be too realistic. Not that I'm a very technically accurate painter but just that my subject matter is whimsical so why am I trying to get things even somewhat correct.

This painting is from last quarter with the same theme as the intaglio I did earlier. Originally there was to be a figure in the painting but it looked corny and I thought the painting had a sense of mysteriousness that might be better expressed if the viewer was there in the landscape instead of a character. I'm not sure, I might revise it a bit.

If I Had To

It is a relief to be back in school. I had grand plans for the break but time evaporated like rain from a pair of fancy hiking pants. I was quite upset about it for a while. I figured that if I was really an artist I would find time to make my art no matter what holidays, errands, social activities and other responsibilities came my way. I relaxed when I realized that one does not have to be a real artist to paint, to enjoy painting and maybe even to make good paintings. I relaxed further yesterday when classes resumed and my motivation returned stronger than it had been before break. Perhaps being a real human is not only more important than being a real artist but feeds the artistic inclination. I say that like its a mere possibility but I know that for me it is absolutely true.
I took photos of my paintings again last night and I feel I am getting the hang of it. More importantly I actually enjoyed doing it which furthers my sense of reassurance that I am not totally ingenuine in my pursuits because I have very little will for the unnecessary.
The above painting was my first oil painting from this summer. I wanted to work with text and have it be in the painting instead of float on top. I don't think I was entirely successful but it does have a spontaneous energy I would like to cultivate. The text reads, "If I had to live this whole, troublesome life over I wouldn't mind and I wouldn't try to change anything. But I would love all of it next time, even the most awful moment."

Three Autumn Trees in Hoyt Arboretum.

I have grand hopes of learning to document my work over break so I can get my portfolio together. By the time I get around to applying to 4 year programs I will be under the wire as the deadlines go. Anyways it seemed really simple at school when people were helping me, AKA doing it for me! I have a tripod and a level and I seem to think that it should be easy now. Not really, I took his picture before I got lights so we'll see what happens when I get those set up.

I haven't named this painting yet. I painted it from sketches I made at the Arboretum, though I did not stay true to the landscape exactly. My painting teacher feels that this is the least resolved of my pieces and while I think it is the most static I really can't figure out what else to do to it without completely repainting it. I love trees and color so I guess I don't mind having a static but colorful painting of some very beautiful trees. Hopefully I will outgrow static.

Oatmeal: the Movie.

I am now officially on Winter break, finals week was rough but I did well and I am very happy to report that I am finished with my college math career! Painting finals are a whole different story. We don't take tests. We aren't forced to paint a still life in 2 hours to prove our skill. We have a critique. Everyone puts all their work up from the quarter and we disscuss as a group what works and doesn't work about each piece. They are extremely educational but somewhat dissapointing in that, inevitably, there are pieces I think are finished that aren't. I have three such paintings. Patience is the hardest part of being an artist so far.

Anyways, like I said, I'm on break. Although I have been running around trying to gather lights, velvet and camera gear to take slides of my work, and lumber and tools to frame work, I am actually trying to relax too. One thing I find really important is to play creatively like I did before I had any notion of making art a career. Oatmeal: the Movie. is just that sort of endeavor. My sister and her husband thoughtfully gave me their digital camera after they upgraded. It's far superior to the one I had and it makes movies! I have no idea why this film is so funny to me. I know nothing about film making and it is really hard to film what you are doing when what you are doing you would normally do with two hands. I like it anyways.

The End of Math and Other Post-Flu Stories.

Well, I have just returned from the land of ill-health. It's not my favorite place to be but now that I am back in a sound body I feel as though I've accomplished something, like taking a trek through the desert or enduring a meditation retreat. Of course it's not like my life stopped, I'm a student, you know, and I work in a restaurant. Neither industry stops for the wounded. So, although it feels like I have slept through the last few weeks I have still been an artist making art and a barista making lattes and a math student avoiding limit notation and logarithms. The print to the right is one I thought I would give up on but one day when I needed a reason to avoid the function of g with the function of h as its input I found myself hacking away at this plate with abandon. It's really lovely to work on a plate you've decided to give up on. There's no pressure, you can just experiment. I'd like to cultivate that freedom in pieces I haven't given up on.

Today I attended the last math class of my college career. I felt strangely elated when I left the room and my new found health seemed to elevate further. It's another kind of freedom, one less thing in the way of painting and print making.

Coming to Terms with the Postmodern Age.

As you well know an artist can get away with anything these days. We keep trying to get away with more because everything has already been done and it has been done with incredible skill and beauty. I have had a profound dislike of minimalist art, DADA, and postmodern art for some time and am slowly learning to appreciate and even adore some of it.
It all started with Mondrian. I had to do a report on him for a design class. He had this Grey Tree painting that I loved and as I learned about the spiritual pursuit underlying his art I began to think it wasn't so pretentious. Then I watched a video about him, as they panned the camera through a gallery of his work I could feel the resonance not available in printed reproductions. Later I went to visit the minimalist art wing in the Portland Art Museum and discovered it was my favorite wing, all the pieces had a profound resonance. Agnes Martin made no sense to me in a book, but standing in front of her work I found it indescribably beautiful. I have heard from many people that they did not like Pollock until they saw his work in person, now they love it!
I still have trouble with the Postmodern and DADA aesthetic but after reading about the context they were born out of I can finally appreciate them as important movements. DADA being a reaction to the senselessness of war, the initial impulse to make art without reason or rules is inspiring but the destructive attitude that went along with the movement really puts me off. They wanted to obliterate everything previously held sacred or revered. While it's certainly worthwhile to deconstruct cultural assumptions the bitterness is hard to find attractive as an artistic aesthetic. I have only learned a little about it yet and may change my mind. These days it seems much of the art out there is either a dry imitation of something else, a forced attempt to do something unique for its own sake, or its very conceptual. So far I am not very drawn to conceptual art but my continuing education may change my mind on that, too.


The above picture is one of my first attempts at abstracting from an observed subject, the Columbia river. This painting at right is a small canvas I painted after looking at Paul Klee's work. I was using it as a warm up to try to get in a less structured spirit before I began work on another painting. I think I will continue to paint over it as a warm-up improvisation.

Soft. (book arts)

This book is made of handmade paper, a blend of Abaca, cotton and recycled paper. I really enjoyed designing this book. I made the inside pockets first then found a poem I thought would fit the format. I made the cover last. I sold this book last spring. Of all the books I've made this is my favorite and I was glad that it was the one that sold because I felt it deserved to more than any of my other pieces which are equally beautiful but not as cohesive. Before I went back to school it was difficult for me to think of parting with my art, even casual little paintings on sketch paper. I felt like I lived in a recycling bin, there was so much art stuffed in my closet and under my bed! Now I recycle things regularly and would gladly part with any of my pieces. Oddly enough, I feel I "have" this piece now more than ever because it has lived the full life of an art piece and now enhances someone else's life.



I decided to post this piece tonight because I was just out sketching trees. Afterward I went for a hike and I felt as if all the trees were being especially alluring in their windy branches and stark dusk light. It was as if they all wanted desperately to be drawn! Of course, I know this isn't true. They have been fine forever without any portraits and they will continue to be more content than I can imagine without my attention. So, I thought of this poem.