Jan 8, 2008

If I Had To

It is a relief to be back in school. I had grand plans for the break but time evaporated like rain from a pair of fancy hiking pants. I was quite upset about it for a while. I figured that if I was really an artist I would find time to make my art no matter what holidays, errands, social activities and other responsibilities came my way. I relaxed when I realized that one does not have to be a real artist to paint, to enjoy painting and maybe even to make good paintings. I relaxed further yesterday when classes resumed and my motivation returned stronger than it had been before break. Perhaps being a real human is not only more important than being a real artist but feeds the artistic inclination. I say that like its a mere possibility but I know that for me it is absolutely true.
I took photos of my paintings again last night and I feel I am getting the hang of it. More importantly I actually enjoyed doing it which furthers my sense of reassurance that I am not totally ingenuine in my pursuits because I have very little will for the unnecessary.
The above painting was my first oil painting from this summer. I wanted to work with text and have it be in the painting instead of float on top. I don't think I was entirely successful but it does have a spontaneous energy I would like to cultivate. The text reads, "If I had to live this whole, troublesome life over I wouldn't mind and I wouldn't try to change anything. But I would love all of it next time, even the most awful moment."

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