Paddles

Last night I had some bizarre dream about college. I don't remember any more than sitting at a picnic table with my family when this very hip music student sat down right next to me but wouldn't talk to me. I do, however, remember waking up and thinking quite clearly, Oh, yeah, school's over I need to leave. I had noticed the other day that I was still telling people, Oh well I just graduated...blah, blah, blah.... While I have come to appreciate that transitions can take longer than we expect, I realized it was time to move on.

The dream clarified something important for me. I loved school SO much I thought the trick to life after school was to somehow create a similar structure. Now I suspect that the task is to go into the outside world and do something new with what I've learned. The tricky part, is deciding what to do. So far I've been thinking about it as what to say. I used to really want to say, the world is so beautiful would you please notice it, every moment is like a poem. But somehow I feel stifled by that now. Maybe I am ready for new content or maybe I am just afraid that I sound preachy.

The problem with wanting to say things is that I am mostly interested in the things I know the least about. Love, for instance, is my favorite topic and it remains a complete mystery. Every time I think I learn something important it soon becomes obvious that the knowledge doesn't hold water in a new time and place.

Now, if you are a normal person who wasn't raised with a placard on your wall that said, Alexandra, helper of mankind, you might be thinking, so make art about what you don't know, why do you have to disseminate wisdom or answers when you could ask questions? Well, maybe I will look into that.