Magnificence

 I do not enter any magnificence only the cadence of rain and the darkness of the gull.

She dove from the power line straight to the ground again and again while the geese flew south.

I have entered the land of I-have-no-idea-what-I-am-doing. It is terrifying, will I ever make another piece of art I can call good again? It is also lovely...forging into the unknown for the stories my heart wants to tell, letting go of the need to make sense and create something that demonstrates my ability to be artistically professional. I have often visited the places I want to go with art, but now I want to live there and stop trying to keep one foot in the realm of acceptable.

Stretch

 

I trace the horizon across the sky and realize I only need to know myself the way an oak tree knows itself. Our branches stretch out in their own patterns, regardless.

Nesting

I've been doing a lot of experiments with different mediums lately. Uncharacteristically, I have not been paying much attention to the content of my pieces, I'm just working off-the cuff to get things done. It's helpful to learn quickly but I don't feel attached to any of the pages. Normally I am quite fond of even the most ridiculous experiment. These two are my favorite.

Of course I've also been very distracted lately looking for an apartment. As much as I love the companionship of my housemates, and their gorgeous woodsy neighborhood, I have reckoned with the fact that I am not in my natural environment. Their home is a beautiful rambling house, full of beautiful furnishings, perched on a beautiful hill away from town. Just looking at tiny apartments in my old neighborhood has given me an incredible sense of peace. Being a home-body makes me long for my own sense of order, and being an artist makes me long for more solitude. I tell myself the apartment search is a necessary diversion; when I finally get settled, I can go even deeper into my art. I can't help but notice however, that there are always things that need to be done that distract us. I'm trying to find the middle ground, to accept that I'll have less time for a while, but to make a greater effort to really settle in while I am working.

Piper's Song

 There was so little to hang on to

 but the stars were there every night,

 she never got over the beauty of rough bark holding the sky,

 and the trees rarely fell.

It was as if her life was a love song between heaven and earth.

Something I have been trying to learn for many years now is that the best thing to do when I don't know how to do what I want, is to do anything at all even slightly related. I have been wanting to make books lately and as usual I feel overwhelmed by how to combine words and images in a way that will track over several pages. I thought I was on the verge of figuring this out lately and made some promising projects but somehow I find myself at a total loss again. I figured the best thing to do was to start making pages without needing them to go together or make sense. In fact, only a couple have words on them and you can't even see them on the green piece. I'm using Piper Tupelo as a character. She is a young woman who was raised by trees and is trying to figure out how to relate to people.

The under-paintings:

Threes

Experiments...these are pencil, ink, gouache, and acrylic on handmade paper.

Autumn Fog

Each Leaf